1 in 5 American adults take Mental Health Drugs — according to a TIME magazine report and the World Health Organization.
You or a friend may need medication to deal with a mental illness. A more holistic approach seems wise.
Amedicated.
Author Archives: Jeff
My friend is depressed: what should I do? :-(
What do we do when a friend or family member is depressed? I’ve heard too much advice that is “just get over yourself and be happy!” There has to be better advice, right?
As someone who is given to periodic, short bouts of depression — “a normal abnormality” — and a pastor who hopes to effectively and lovingly help others find their joy in Christ, I found this short vodcast helpful. It’s a first-responders guide for those who desire to minister effectively to depressed friends and family members.
David Murray, author of Christians Get Depressed Too gives solid advice on helping others who are depressed:
He gives a more detailed explanation of eight guidelines for dealing with depressed Christians:
- Be prepared: anyone can get depressed
- Don’t assume depression has been called by personal sin
- Check the depth, the width, and the length of the symptoms
- Don’t rush to medication, nor rule out medication
- Be holistic
- Give hope; we can glorify God as we cling to Him in the darkness
- Involve family and friends. (Give them 5 R’s: Routine, Relaxation, Recreation, Rest, and Re-prioritizing in their lives.)
- Help the depressed person re-prioritize spiritual disciplines. Keep them short and simple; think training more than trying. Point them to the objective truths of Scripture, because honesty is best (character of God, work of Jesus, justification, our security in Christ), and the subjective feelings will follow. Point your friend to Jesus, our sympathetic High Priest who alone can conquer all our fears. He is able and willing to walk with us through every season of life, and He is able to bring us out of our depressed state.
I have not read the two books he recommended, but I have read Murray’s book Christians Get Depressed Too and highly recommend it.
The Apostle Paul has some summary thoughts on dealing with all kinds of people:
And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle [unruly], encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.
—1 Thessalonians 5:14
Notice three categories of people needing care: 1) the unruly, 2) the fainthearted, 3) the weak. They each need a different approach (admonishing, encouraging, helping). We can easily crush a fainthearted person if we unceremoniously admonish them, or can enable an unruly person if we are soft and use kids gloves. This takes grace, wisdom and patience to know how to treat people we are responsible to lead.
Sometimes we can become impatient with others though we wish they would be patient with us. We must not treat every person the same, but we can be patient with all.
Identity: everything grows and flows from there.
Do you focus on your main priorities, or your primary identity?
How many times have we been asked to do the exercise?
List out your priorities as you want them to be … Of course we’re supposed to put God first, then family second, or wait, maybe we’re supposed to put ourselves first, but then what about our spouse, and then work is a must so where does that fit in? I’ll tell you what:
No matter how many times I’ve listed out my priorities it’s never revolutionized my life.
Here’s what’s revolutionized my life:
Understanding that it’s not knowing my primary priority that matters but knowing my primary identity.
We do what we do because we are who we are.
What gave rise to this thought? Galatians 5:25:
Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
A conclusion:
What if I look at my to-do list with that in mind? Keeping in mind that everything that I do I do as a disciple of Jesus Christ, called to fulfill His great commission and be His ambassador here on earth?
No where in Scripture are we called to find balance. Our notion of “finding balance” is cultural. Christ calls us to take our whole life — work, play, service, both sacred and secular — and drench it in the water of His Spirit so that as we move about this world we’re soaking wet, dripping all over the world, spreading the gospel not because we’re handing out tracts but because we’re handing out hope.
We’re kind, patient, loving, gentle … our life displays the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-24).
What is our identity? Are we citizens of earth or citizens of heaven? Our identity determines how we live. We can walk in step with the world, running to keep up with the passing pleasures of each new year, or we can walk in step with the spirit, knowing that in His presence is fullness of joy.
{Grateful for my wise, gracious wife. Thanks, Kari!}
Photo by See Margaret
15 years in the making.
Next week I turn 15. Christ rescued me as a freshman in college, turning me from a selfish boy going my own way into a man who began to hunger and thirst for righteousness. I am not yet what I shall be, but I am not what I once was, and for that I am eternally thankful.
There’s a great verse that Paul writes to Timothy about how through the patience and perseverance of Timothy’s mother and grandmother he grew up and became “wise unto salvation” (2 Timothy 3:14-15). It was a direct result of their trusting in God and in His words that He multiplied their efforts in bringing new life to that young man. We don’t read of an “improved” Timothy; we read of an alive man, who used to be dead.
Same became true in my life. I did not out-and-out reject the faith of my parents, but was slow to embrace it. I was dead to God, though I like religion a bit, because it made me feel good about God. When Jesus embraced me, I could not help but respond. For this reason I believe in irresistible grace. God is as irresistible as He wants to be.
The Gospel message was first presented to me as an invitation to invite Jesus into my life. Yet I soon realized my life was an abject mess (though not in comparison to others, which was a great source of my pride), and rather than entering my life Jesus invited me into His life. I got to become a minor character in the story He was writing, no longer trying to be the hero.
This week I get to teach a course on what it means to be a disciple of Jesus, and the various ways we respond to Him in grace-driven effort. We’re calling it I GROW HERE, and I’m now realizing I’ve been training for 15 years towards teaching this course.
Marriage: an unsolvable puzzle, a maze in which you feel lost? A profound mystery.
A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery. . . .
—Ephesians 5:31-32
“I’m tired of listening to sentimental talks on marriage. At weddings, in church, and in Sunday school, much of what I’ve heard on the subject has as much depth as a Hallmark card. While marriage is many things, it is anything but sentimental. Marriage is glorious but hard. It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories. No marriage I know more than a few weeks old could be described as a fairy tale come true. Therefore, it is not surprising that the only phrase in Paul’s famous discourse on marriage in Ephesians 5 that many couples can relate to us verse 32, printed above. Sometimes you fall into bed, after a long, hard day of trying to understand each other, and you can only sigh: ‘This is all a profound mystery!’ At times, your marriage seems to be an unsolvable puzzle, a maze in which you feel lost.”
—Tim and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, 21.
The publisher’s description of The Meaning of Marriage:
Based on the sermon series by Timothy Keller, this book shows everyone—Christians, skeptics, singles, long-time married couples, and those about to be engaged—the vision of what marriage should be according to the Bible.
Modern culture would make you believe that everyone has a soul-mate; that romance is the most important part of a successful marriage; that your spouse is there to help you realize your potential; that marriage does not mean forever, but merely for now; that starting over after a divorce is the best solution to seemingly intractable marriage issues. All those modern-day assumptions are, in a word, wrong.
Using the Bible as his guide, coupled with insightful commentary from his wife of thirty-six years, Kathy, Timothy Keller shows that God created marriage to bring us closer to him and to bring us more joy in our lives. It is a glorious relationship that is also the most misunderstood and mysterious. With a clear-eyed understanding of the Bible, and meaningful instruction on how to have a successful marriage, The Meaning of Marriage is essential reading for anyone who wants to know God and love more deeply in this life.
Book trailer:
The short Introduction chapter is available online, and here’s a chapter-by-chapter outline in the authors’ own words:
Chapter 1 – Puts Paul’s discussion into today’s cultural context and lay out two of the most basic teachings by the Bible on marriage— that it has been instituted by God and that marriage was designed to be a reflection of the saving love of God for us in Jesus Christ.
Chapter 2 – Present Paul’s thesis that all married partners need the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. The work of the Spirit makes Christ’s saving work real to our hearts, giving us supernatural help against the main enemy of marriage: sinful self-centeredness. We need the fullness of the Spirit if we are to serve one another as we should.
Chapter 3 – Gets us into the heart of what marriage is all about— namely, love. But what is love? This chapter discusses the relationship of feelings of love to acts of love and the relationship of romantic passion to covenantal commitment.
Chapter 4 – Addresses the question of what marriage is for: It is a way for two spiritual friends to help each other on their journey to become the persons God designed them to be. A new and deeper kind of happiness is found on the far side of holiness.
Chapter 5 – Lays out three basic skill sets through which we can help each other on that journey.
Chapter 6 – Discusses the Christian teaching that marriage is a place where the two sexes accept each other as differently gendered and learn and grow through it.
Chapter 7 – Helps single people use the material in this book to live the single life well and to think wisely about seeking marriage themselves.
Chapter 8 – Takes on the subject of sex, why the Bible confines it to marriage, and how, if we embrace the Biblical view, it will play out in both the single life and in marriage.
Daylight wasting time.
Stared at this little wheel most of Thursday. Learning patience.
Maybe I can get an hour back this weekend.
Speaking of Daylight Savings Time: What will you do with your extra hour this weekend? (Of course the additional hour gets inserted at 2 AM, but don’t let that hold you back.)
Relational capacity: Too many friends, so little time?
Ever feel like you have too many Facebook friends? You and I probably do.
At last count I had 477 “friends” on Facebook, and I try to only “friend” (verb) people on FB who I know in real-life (with perhaps a couple exceptions). That number is also disproportionately male, as my wife and I agree to not self-approve friend requests from people of the opposite sex, no matter if we know them well or not. (We don’t keep up with the requests very regularly!) I’m sure there are dozens of everyday friends I’ve yet to “connect” with on the social media hub. I can think of many close friends who are not on FB, and with whom I have more quite meaningful interaction in real life.
With all the technology at our fingertips, we still cannot keep up with everyone.
Were we ever designed to?
A recent study from a book club excerpt and review posted by Gawker helps us see why trying to keep up with everyone is impossible:
The Biological Reason You Have Too Many Facebook Friends
So many people think that the more Facebook friends they have, the better. Wrong! In an excerpt from his just released book You Are Not So Smart David McRaney explains “Dunbar’s Number” and why trying to keep in touch with more than 150 people, even on Facebook, is a biological impossibility.
The Misconception: There is a Rolodex in your mind with the names and faces of everyone you’ve ever known.
The Truth: You can only maintain relationships and keep up with around 150 people at once.
The book ventures more deeply into the biological reasons why that is.
Stats: People on Facebook
- There are more than 800 million active users
- More than 50% of those active users log on to Facebook in any given day
- Average user has 130 friends
Maybe the “average” people are getting it right, keeping their totals under 150.
Introverts and extraverts alike, we were not created to know everyone deeply.
(No need to worry, my conservative readers: I do not believe we are primates in the sense that we are evolutionary-mature monkeys, as appears to be an underlying assumption of the research. Yes, we are classified as primates, and rightly so. But I think there is a unique soul and “breath” of God with which He created us, in His image, not the next step [or more] in the process of natural selection. Even still, this study intrigues me, and our over-connected and under-relational ways lend credence to McRaney’s thesis. There’s no need to toss out his research even if you do not subscribe exactly to the modern scientific theory of Macro-Evolution.)
Photo credit: from Shutterstock.com, used in the original article.
Bearing his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket.
“It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We’re something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We’re the Messiah’s misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we’re mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don’t have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, “God bless you.” When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We’re treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture’s kitchen. And it’s not getting any better.”
—1 Corinthians 4:9-13, The Message
Photo credit: “Empty theatre for sound check” by Crowded House HQ
No doubt about it: what should we pursue in life?
Today Kari offered the following lists where we discover how God relates to two kinds of people, the proud and the humble. She writes:
At a recent women’s conference we looked at this, and I was floored. Talk about two contrasting lists! Check out how God relates to the proud, and to the humble:
First, the sobering list:
- God’s wrath is on the proud (2 Chron. 32:25)
- He pays back revenge on the proud (Ps 31:23)
- He will not tolerate the proud (Ps 101:5)
- He mocks the proud (Prov 3:34)
- He tears down the house of the proud (Prov 15:25)
- He detests the proud (Prov 16:5)
- He punishes the proud (Prov 16:5)
- He humbles the proud (Is. 2:12)
- He throws the proud to the earth (Ez. 28:17)
- He scatters the proud (Luke 1:51)
- He opposes the proud (James 4:6)
But then, check this out. There’s a better list:
- God saves the humble (2 Sam. 22:28 & Ps. 18:27)
- He keeps back disaster from the humble (2 Kings 22:19)
- He forgives and heals the humble (2 Chron. 7:14)
- He holds back destruction and delivers the humble (2 Chron. 12:7)
- He turns His anger away from the humble (2 Chron. 12:12)
- He hears the humble (2 Chron. 34:27)
- He guides the humble in what is right (Ps. 25:9)
- He teaches the humble His way (Ps. 25:9)
- He sustains the humble (Ps. 147:6)
- He crowns the humble with victory (Ps. 149:4)
- He shows favor to the humble (Prov. 3:34)
- He allows the humble to rejoice (Is. 29:19)
- He looks on the humble with favor (Is. 66:2)
- He gives rest to the humble (Matt 11:29)
- He exalts and lifts up the humble (Matt 23:12, etc.)
- He gives grace to the humble (James 4:6)
- He shows favor to the humble (1 Peter 5:5)
If there were ever any doubt about what we should be pursuing in life, that doubt is now gone.
5 In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
—1 Peter 5:5-7 (NIV 2011)
- Reflection: Today, how will you humble yourself under the mighty hand of God?
Focus.
“Things like radical generosity and audacious faith are not produced when we focus on them, but when we focus on the gospel. Focusing on what we ought to do for God creates only frustration and exhaustion; focusing on what Jesus has done for us produces abundant fruit. Resting in what Jesus has done for us releases the revolutionary power of the gospel.”
—J.D. Greear, Gospel: Recovering the Power that Made Christianity Revolutionary
-ISMS: Materialism.
Ever been consumed with a product – with the getting of it — that you fantasized about how great life would be once you finally obtained it? That’s the promise and allure of advertizing: your life is incomplete without __________, but would be so awesome and complete with it.
That item for me was an iPad. When they first came out in early Spring 2010, I really wanted one. I thought of all the ways I could justify a purchase of the base model ($500) and present the case to my wise, frugal wife. Knowing our united family desire to simplify life, coupled with our commitments to become more generous, there was to be no iPad in our near future.
So, over the course of the next 12+ months I saved up, sold some of my books, and earned some additional funds through some creative work. This June I was able to purchase an iPad 2. It was a helpful tool on our UK travels, and remains a daily companion as a mobile device, e-book reader, and ubiquitous capture tool. Even still, I must live without it, and set it in our re-purposed “technology basket,” and while home with the kids the iPad must just sit there on the counter.
As American families prepare for this Christmas, starting on or before Black Friday, all sorts of gadgets like the iPhone 4S (with the automated do-everything Siri) will fly off shelves into the “deserving” hands of boys and girls, young and old alike.
Of course, we can stand at the edge of culture and decry all this “materialism” and the commercialization of holidays like Christmas. The real question is, why do we run to material things to meet our unmet needs?
Continue reading
Influence: beyond impact.
My generation grow up being told we can make an IMPACT. I’m realizing its far better to grow and wield INFLUENCE.
Impact is more apparent, easily measured, and makes us feel better about ourselves. Business people, coaches, and churches all talk about “making an impact.” Few talk about how impactful things cause collateral damage (like meteorites and car collisions). Or how people wanting to make an name for themselves and leave their mark on history do things to compensate for their insecurity like have their face engraved on money — as the Roman Caesars did.
We built up to impact, but then what?
Influential things cannot be as easily measured, but their effect reaches far beyond the moment of interaction. Influential people listen more than talk, give more than they receive. The people who have influenced me the most in life are those who weren’t aiming to make an impact; they were just being faithful and had the courage to persevere in dire circumstances. It sounds so exciting to make an impact, but my money is now on the people who are so compelling by their serving and sacrifice, that their words carry great weight.
Influential people grow towards impact and then disappear, pointing people past themselves. Impact was never the goal, but a byproduct, a result of their steadiness, consistency, courage and generosity. Influential people may feel they haven’t done much or “not enough,’ though those who get caught up in their wake all agree the influence of their life was immeasurable.
Truly influential people have come to realize it’s not great talents that God blesses, as much as great likeness to Jesus.
- Who has influenced you?
- Have you recently expressed gratitude to that person?
- How are you influencing the people around you?
Photo credits:
“The scars of impacts on Mars” by europeanspaceagency
“12 Caesars” by Joe Geranio
“Wake” by Beardy Git