Everywhere we look, someone is offering a better way to life. A better you.
This week we’ve asked all the RENEWers to take note of all the life advice they hear. Lean in on conversations, jot down what others share on social media, even listen to your parents! Everywhere and all the time people around us are answering the question, “How should we live?”
This vital question comes from the Gospel Grid 1, a way of orienting our hearts and minds around God’s Word and His world.
In four questions the “grid” covers the basics of reality and purpose:
Who is God?
What has He done?
Who are we?
How do we live?
Have you noticed that we tend to reverse the order?
As broken people we take that last question and make it primary: How should we live? Then drawing from our successes or failures at living well, we carve out an identity for ourselves, figuring out who we are. This leads us to view what God has done in the world through the lens of self: what has God done for me?
On the basis of how we live, and who we think we are, leading to how we see God’s activity in our lives, we then arrive at a view of God. Either He’s been good and gracious, or He’s been less than stellar, not meeting our expectations. When we look at our circumstances … God’s got some explaining to do!
Society places self at the top of the pyramid, beginning with me, myself & I in all our questions. We take the place of God. We turn the Gospel Grid upside-down.
I’m convinced this is why so much life advice is shared — this is how I live, and you should too! (Cue the infomercial smile: “It worked for me, and it can work for you!”) In the midst the message of the Gospel seems like another pitch to adopt a new lifestyle, maybe a less awesome one than you’re working on right now. Add a little Jesus to your life; He’ll make it all better. What life advice have you heard this week?
Was it helpful? How will that solid advice eventually let you down? Lets come back to the first question — forgetting ourselves and our circumstances for a moment — who is God?
Thank you to the fellow students at Soma School Portland 2013 and the leaders of Bread & Wine for helping me re-discover the Gospel Grid, and re-apply it to my heart, life, and church family. ↩
When World Vision contacted us about sharing our story in their magazine, about coming up to Seattle to be in the DVD curriculum filming for Unfinished, of course we were thrilled. What an honor to share our story as a little part of His! And through the last few years, whenever we share our simple story of downsizing, moving, starting a church, endeavoring to live differently, we often receive two responses:
I can think of greater tests of manhood — such as being a faithful father and servant-leader husband in the home day in and day out. Yet, I still think one has to admire the preparation and determination it took to attempt a stunt like this. Let’s apply that sort of ambition, in noble pursuits.
March Madness is my favorite sports season. It’s quick, exciting, and provides good conversation with friends near and far, because one doesn’t have to follow the teams all season long to have an opinion. It’s an easy on-ramp to accessible sports to end the winter and bring on spring. Plus, there appears to be a genuine “love of the game” displayed out there on the court. Of course, the genius of March Madness is the filthy amounts of money in it. TV ads sell at a premium for all the broadcasts of the field of 64 (or now, 68). There’s a different love of the game at play for those wearing suits instead of jerseys.
For the last two weeks you’ve probably heard about the big business of college sports. Bloggers calling for accountability with the NCAA, the governing body lining its pockets with gold and sweat from the players’ brows. Beat writers giving the behind-the-scenes interviews with disaffected student-athletes dishing on being special recipients of cash, pleasure or good grades. Even a new awareness of why the term “student-athlete” is the preferred lingo across the land. (If they are students and athletes, and not employees, there’s no responsibility to provide workers compensation—both in insurance, and renumeration). Kevin Ware’s horrific broken-leg injury on Easter Sunday brought more of these issues to the limelight. Will he ever play again? Will a scholarship be waiting for him next year? Will he resurrect his playing career? (I won’t link to a photo of the injury; almost threw up when I saw it happen live in front of the Louisville Cardinal bench.)
These are calls for justice, even in the arena of sport.
(Maybe you’ve heard it. I listen to a bit of what I jokingly call “conservative sports talk radio.” It’s the only radio programming I can stand, because the personalities on political talk radio seem to dumb it down too much and talk at us like we’re all idiots. Well, maybe we are, but that’s a topic for another day.)
Back to justice in sports …
People get really amped up when their beloved past-time (read: way of checking out and coping) suddenly feels rigged. We like things to be “pure,” and somehow act surprised when things aren’t as they should or appear to be. From the public outrage over Beyonce lip-syncing at the Presidential Inauguration, to wardrobe malfunctions during the Super Bowl halftime show, to the time you suggested an old favorite movie to watch with friends or your kids and realized, “Oh no, this isn’t as ‘clean’ as I remember it was!” (News flash: the storyline and innuendo in the nice feel-good romantic movie “Dirty Dancing” is appropriately disclosed in the title. It’s not so much a movie about “dancing.”) I’m the same way. It takes stepping back and recognizing the good-and-bad mixed together, especially when it comes to entertainment.
Tonight I will probably watch the National Championship basketball game, the climactic end of this run of March Madness. (My bracket is in shambles, as I somehow thought Gonzaga would shine brightly in their moment of recognition and make it through the gauntlet as a #1 seed.) I say “probably” watch because I first need to check with the boss on that.
If we watch, our kids and I will sit in the home office on the big chair and snuggle and spill popcorn. During the commercials we’ll do some pretty important things together: go feed their new goldfish, get ready for bed, pick up the loft, brush our teeth, and so forth. Not without protest.
Bedtime means the end of the day of fun. Yet the protest could have other special reasons tonight. The timing of our breaks may lead to some disagreement. There’s something subconscious that happens during the breaks in the game action. See, my son’s favorite part of television is the commercials. If we had it on much he would wish to only see the commercials, not the shows, and would spend the rest of his days reciting the mantras of his favorite ads. One time at bedtime he remarked that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth because … well … “it’s where magic happens!” (I’m sure he learned that at his grandparents. 😉
When bedtime comes around—likely before the game is over and the nets are cut down—we’ll snuggle and laugh and talk about the highlights and lowlights of our day. It’s a drawn-out process, as much as the kids have a say. The stories of adventure, questions of what fun things happened today (and tonight, probably about the television ads) fill the dimly lit room.
It’s during those times I long to be a good father. Of course, part of telling these stories is to buy more time before having to fall asleep. And part of it, the cute part, the part I will never miss as a father, is the way in which their curiosity and learning is seeping out of them. It’s always my favorite time of the day, the least “productive” yet most rewarding. Even when tired, it’s the most wonderful time of the day.
As for the game: apparently there is a method to all this madness. The NCAA recognizes the money to be made in advertising, and while they sell the product promote the student-athletes on the court, many suitors have shown up on their porch (at the door of CBS, TBS, TruTV, and the online streaming broadcasts of the games) to promote their wares in ad space. They are buying time. A basketball game is actually a pretty short contest. There’s a reason for all the stoppage of play, timeouts, and long breaks. Ben Cohen reveals the numbers on the sports blog for the Wall Street Journal:
“In fact, basketball accounts for just 29.4% of a basketball broadcast. The rest is devoted to stoppages like media timeouts, which are extended in the NCAA tournament and take up 20.5%, and halftime, which is more than 22 minutes on average. The stoppages starting with the last media timeout, at the first whistle after the four-minute mark of the second half, averaged over 17 minutes. The total time of rest after whistles is more than 12 minutes. And the wait during free throws accounts for 13.2% of NCAA tournament broadcasts, or almost 18 minutes. In fact, the median break for free throws in these three games lasted 50 seconds—enough time to think of everything else you could be doing with your time.”
My question for you: what will you do with all that extra time? If the game lasts three hours, and about 30% (54 minutes) of it was actual game action, how will you fill the remaining two hours and six minutes?
I’ll be there, remote it hand, to mute or turn off the TV, asking our kids questions about their thoughts and feelings. The real action will be thousands of miles from the game in Atlanta. It will be right in the room, with plenty of time to make sense of the madness.
As a parent, modeling respectful behaviors and boundaries and sharing age-appropriate information can counter unhealthy social norms around sexuality and relationships. Children are constantly learning social norms from peers and the media and it is your job to teach them what is expected or appropriate in interactions and relationships.
From infancy you can start talking about healthy childhood development. This may not be something natural for you, so you will need to learn about healthy childhood sexual development and age appropriate behaviors to better discuss unhealthy behaviors or abusive touch with your children.
To help get you started, here are five ways you can teach your children about their sexual development:
1. Create safe, positive, and open communication patterns, especially around sexuality and development. Your children will have lots of questions about their bodies, other people’s bodies, and life in general. Answer their questions with age-appropriate and candid responses. This will build confidence and trust with your child. Teach them that there are no secrets in the family and that they can always ask you anything and tell you everything. Instead of the word “secrets” use “surprises” when necessary. Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise.
2. Teach and use correct names of body parts, such as penis, vagina, breasts, bottom. You can begin this from infancy. It might be uncomfortable at first, but use the proper names of body parts. Children need to know the proper names for their genitals. This knowledge gives children correct language for understanding their bodies, for asking questions that need to be asked, and for telling about any behavior that could lead to sexual abuse.
3. Initiate conversations with your child about relationships and their body. “When I was a little girl I had a lot of questions about my body parts and other people’s body parts. Do you have any questions you want to talk about?” Or “I know you like to play dress up at school or your friend’s house, but it’s not okay to take off your clothes to put on a costume unless you are at your house with mom or dad home. Do you understand why I say that?”
Also, let your child know they can tell you if anyone touches them in the private areas or in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable—no matter who the person is, or what the person says to them.
4. Promote healthy behaviors by praising your children when their behaviors model healthy friendships and respect for personal boundaries. “Brian, that was great when you listened when Sara said she wanted you to stop hugging her. That was a good way to respect your friend’s boundaries and stop when she asked you to.”
5. Model respectful boundaries with your children by teaching them from a young age that they are in control of their bodies and have a responsibility to respect the boundaries of others. “Most of the time you like to be hugged, snuggled, tickled, and kissed, but sometimes you don’t and that’s okay. You have a right to personal space, privacy, and boundaries. Let me know if anyone—myself, family member, friend, or anyone else—touches any part of your body or talks to you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.”
If your son or daughter does not want to kiss or hug you or someone else do not force the exchange. Instead teach them to say, “No thank you.” They can give a high five or wave hello or goodbye. Encourage your child to seek help when something feels uncomfortable for them. It may take awhile for extended family members to catch on to this new trend in relating, so you as your child’s advocate will need to explain what is allowed and not allowed.
For our four-month anniversary of embarking on this adventure of RENEW (planting a church), I gave my wife a book that seemed helpful and hopeful.
I knew Kari wouldn’t balk at the idea of encouragement, and it seemed that The Church Planting Wife really carried a dose of what the subtitle promised: “help and hope for her heart.” (Not just a bunch of stories and lists saying “you should do this.”)
Christine Hoover (the author) and her husband Kyle (the so-called church planter), tell of how God led them to plant a church in 2008. She writes:
“Though we had eight years of ministry experience under our belts at an established church, we didn’t yet know all that we didn’t know. We had much to learn and, more importantly, God had much sifting and pruning to do in our hearts.
God has shown me that, more than anything, he wants my heart. He wants a tender, moldable heart willing to obey more than he wants any obligatory service I can give him. As I write in my new book,The Church Planting Wife: Help and Hope for Her Heart(Moody, 2013), I’ve learned a thing or two in this crazy adventure called church planting—and I trust I’ll learn more as we move forward. Here are 25 things I’ve discovered so far.”
(Jeff’s note: I will resist the urge to add to or improve upon these. I could easily bold and underline every one. And we’re a mere six months or so into this. Simply nodding my head, rejoicing in this list, reflecting on them, and smiling right now. Maybe this post is just for me, the church planting wife’s husband.)
Church planting teaches two things more than any other: that God is faithful and that we must learn how to depend on that faithful God.
Programs matter a lot to some people, especially families with small children. It takes special families who can grasp the vision of church planting to invest in a church plant on the ground level.
On the other hand, some people love the early stages of church planting but become uncomfortable when the church grows to a size where they can no longer know everyone.
Church planting happens one relationship at a time.
Sometimes church planting feels like you’re pretending to be a church. And then one day (after backbreaking work and lots of prayer) you realize God has built an honest-to-goodness church right before your eyes.
You cannot church plant apart from the support and encouragement of others.
The Word is living and active. When we let God speak through his Word, he changes people. Every church plant must gather earnestly around the Word and the Christ to which it points.
The church plant often takes on the personality and passions of the church planter and his wife. This is why it’s important to cling to Christ with biblical vision.
Most people, especially outsiders, don’t know what it means when you say you’re church planting. And they think you’re a little crazy.
One of the church planter’s greatest resources is other church planters and pastors in the same city. These relationships should be cultivated.
Some of the hardest relationships a church planter may have are with other church planters and pastors in the same city. Sadly.
The calling to church plant must be sure since you’ll need to return to it again and again in the face of discouragement, defeat, and uncertainty.
The gospel is everything: it sustains when discouragement comes (and it always does), it keeps a church planter and his wife in their city (because there will be times when they want to give up and leave), it compels its ministers forward (and sometimes it’s the only motivation left), and it changes lives (which makes it all worth it).
A church planter cannot drive by an established church without appreciating what it took to make it that way. And he will first think about the secretaries, the nursery workers, the janitors, and the seats permanently bolted to the ground.
As much as possible, a church plant should be structured according to how leaders want it to look a year in the future.
It’s unhealthy for the church planter, the church, and especially the church planting wife if she’s doing childcare during church each week.
A failed church plant is not failure. Lack of faith is failure. Service in God’s name with a heart far away from him is failure.
Slow and steady growth is healthy growth. Explosive growth can be fragile growth.
A good worship leader is important and hard to find.
Spiritual warfare is real.
Church plants should never be started by someone disgruntled or unable to sit under authority at his former church. Church plants cannot be rebuttals to another pastor’s methods and ideas. They must be built on a clear call from God.
A church planter and his wife must pray for and develop a love for their city—and not just the city but for its people.
The church planting wife’s main role in helping her husband is, like Aaron holding up Moses’ arms in battle, praying for and encouraging him to press on.
There is unimaginable joy and reward in sacrifice and service.
On the morning of the third day [Sunday] Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Jesus go to His tomb to anoint His body. They expect to find it, and are anxious about how they might roll away the stone that covers His tomb.
And looking up, they saw that the stone had been rolled back—it was very large. And entering the tomb, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, dressed in a white robe, and they were alarmed. And he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; He is not here.” (Mark 16:4-6)
It’s this moment that allows the apostle Paul to cry out, years later,
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O death where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?” (1 Cor. 15:54-55)
The empty tomb shows that the greatest oppression of all—the oppression of sin and death—has been defeated. It’s gospel Judo. In Judo, you learn to use the power and movement of your attacker against them, often in moves that end with your opponent landing headfirst. Jesus takes on all that is plagued—He becomes human, taking upon Himself all the wrath of God against sin and all the attack and oppression of death, turning it on its head to provide life for God’s children.
Why did Christianity arise, and why did it take the shape it did? The early Christians themselves reply: We exist because of Jesus’s resurrection. Were there no resurrection, we would have neither comfort nor hope, and everything else Christ did and suffered would be in vain.
—Daniel Montgomery and Mike Cosper, Faithmapping: A Gospel Atlas for Your Spiritual Journey, 59, “The Gospel of the Cross.”
Wednesday is a dark time in Gotham City Jerusalem. The religious leaders — the prominent and influential Sanhedrin — is plotting to kill the usurping “king” Jesus. They go in cahoots with Judas Iscariot, who knows his way around the city. Of the Twelve disciples, Judas is the only one from Judea, the metropolitan area of Jerusalem. He’s been bought with a price, and this one-time betrayal is no doubt the culmination of many calculations in his heart of how to get ahead (greed) and build a better life for himself. Apparently knowing God personally and walking with Him daily is not enough to satisfy his hunger for meaning and significance.
In the ancient (OT) times, thirty pieces of silver was the penalty paid by the owner of an ox that gored a slave to death (Ex. 21:32). Equivalent to about four months’ wages for a laborer (about $7,500 in modern terms), this meager sum suggests the low esteem in which Jesus was held by both Judas and the chief priests. 1 Also note that Judas (or Judah) was a popular and common name for sons in that day. Not so much since.
What’s your price?
What is the one thing, that if God doesn’t give it to you, you would hold it against Him and threaten to leave Him? (Is it a job or opportunity, a relationship, an award or accolade?)
The events of Jesus’ last week leading up to His death on the cross and resurrection are called “Holy Week” or “Passion Week.” His passion speaks of His sufferings in our place, on our behalf, to bring us to God (1 Peter 3:18).
Starting in Matthew 21, Mark 11, Luke 19, and John 12, we get to walk beside Jesus, seeing and hearing what He did and said.
Creative artist Josh Byers has put the timeline of events of Passion Week in illustrated form. Follow along, from Palm Sunday to Resurrection Sunday, and everything vital movement in between.
Did you know Saint Patrick wasn’t even Irish, and that when he was sixteen he was captured by pirates and sold off to be a slave in Ireland? (My son thought that was pretty cool. Plus, he now knows there weren’t any snakes in Ireland before Patrick arrived, so he didn’t drive them out.)
Until that sudden change as a teen, Patrick had zero interest in Christianity. Through suffering and isolation from others, God entered his life and transformed him from the inside out. As a new son of God he was never forsaken and prayed diligently day and night while alone tending to his master’s sheep and livestock in the Irish countryside. God spoke to him a way of escape, featuring a long 200-mile trek to board a ship waiting at the coast. Encountering the risen Christ in this special Providence, Patrick learned to trust God and serve Him faithfully and passionately. Upon arriving home he found training in the ways of Jesus (in seminary, becoming a monk), and gave up his inheritance on earth for the sake of the Gospel.
With undaunted courage and perseverance — becoming enlightened by the Gospel and motivated by the grace of God, which overwhelmed his heart and soul — Patrick later returned to the place of his misery to serve, embodying courage and generosity. Back in Ireland he did the work of a “saint,” spread the Gospel, loving people who loved themselves and didn’t love God. Knowing God personally and developing sound theology, Patrick used the terms of the pagans to explain the terms of Grace, the Cross, and the Kingdom of God. (Legend has it he took the common yet sacred-shaped shamrock to describe the character of God, explaining the Trinity in a visual way).
A great missionary, a great man. Can’t wait to meet Patrick in heaven, snakes or no snakes.
I woke up today without a voice. Everyone at home is straining to hear me. This reminds me of so many in the world who practically lack a voice, to fight oppression, injustice, abuse, and neglect. Today we celebrate the “better half.” Let’s give them a voice.
Today is International Women’s Day, which means that for this one day we get to shout YEEHAW! to the world about all things woman. Raise a chocolate bar in the air, swing your hips, turn your face to heaven and give your biggest smile to thank God for making you a woman. You are beautiful, you are cherished, you are celebrated, you are the crown of his creation. (Or, if you’re a man, thank God for making women and consider how you can bless one today!)
Seriously, men, let’s pause and thank about that. Today we celebrate women by pursuing their best.
Kari continues:
Yesterday afternoon my Bus Stop 32 friend Julie and I sat in my kitchen over steaming bowls of lentil soup. I watched her face light up as I sliced up an avocado and sprinkled it with salt. “My favorite!” She smiled, and as I looked across the kitchen at her, I couldn’t help but stop, struck by this one thought:
She’s so beautiful.
So incredibly beautiful. Yes, broken. Yes, addicted. Yes, in desperate need. But so am I and when I look at her I see her beauty and it’s a beauty that’s worth fighting for.
A beauty we must fight for.
Because every woman displays the beauty of God.
Yes, women show the world the beauty of God.
Yet not in the way we typically assume.
(By the way, later in the evening while Kari was at a meeting celebrating a dear friend, and while I had my attention on creating a model volcano with the kids, the re-heating of that lentil soup went awry, and I burned it. Didn’t offer it to the kids, but I ate some. Later, when Kari arrived home she asked, “What’s the smell? Is something burning?” I should have responded: “It’s the smell of me needing you. Thanks for being awesome.”)
Again, all women are beautiful in a deeper-than-skin way. Kari continues:
No, I don’t mean the beauty of a size 0 figure or flawless skin. The beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. The beauty of bravery and courage. The beauty of faith-filled trust. The beauty of sacrificial love. The beauty of vulnerability. And yes, even a woman’s physical appearance–in all sizes and shapes and ages–reflects the beauty of our God.
It’s a beauty that the evil one wants to destroy. Julie had told me last week that in her job search she’d found an 80-year old man who said she could clean his house for $15. So she did. Then yesterday when I asked her about it, she got quiet.
“Yeah, that’s probably not going to work out. I cleaned his house Monday night but then he wanted me to do other stuff. Take off my clothes and stuff.”
She looked up at me. “I can’t do that. So I guess that job is probably gone.”
Man aside: I kinda want to punch that dirtbag in the face. (I won’t, but angry rises in my heart over situations like this.)
There is no doubt in my mind that Satan has a special hatred for women. We need look no further than the pages of history to see this focused assault. Stasi Eldredge says it like this.
“The assault on femininity — its long history, its utter viciousness — cannot be understood apart from the spiritual forces of evil we are warned against in the Scriptures. That is not to say that men (and women, for they, too, assault women) have no accountability in their treatment of women. Not at all. It is simply to say that no explanation for the assault upon Eve and her daughters is sufficient unless it opens our eyes to the Prince of Darkness and his special hatred of femininity.” (Captivating, 84)
But instead of sitting around and wringing our hands about the state of our world, we can take the LIGHT of Jesus Christ into the darkness and illuminate God’s women and lift them up so they too can be beacons of his beauty, love, grace.
Whenever we bring light into the darkness, we discover more and more of His beauty that we never even knew existed.
So today, for International Women’s Day, here are 4 ways you can shine light on the beauty of God’s women in our world:
0. Encourage a Godly Man.
(I added this after realizing I tend to rant about terrible dirtbags, yet often neglect speaking words of encouragement to inspire more courage in the godly men who are already giving their time, talents, and treasure to causes greater than themselves. They are the unsung heroes who rebel against the low expectations we’ve normalized for “boys” in society today.)
This morning I sent personal text messages and emails to many of the godly men in my life who daily represent The Man Jesus by serving, loving, cherishing, protecting, and promoting the women in their lives and those who do not have godly men in their lives. They are faithful husbands, loving fathers, courageous leaders, wise teachers and coaches, generous volunteers, and hard workers. May their tribe increase, and may more women be served by more men in their image.
1. Sponsor a Woman Missionary.
For only $30/month (cutting out one restaurant meal a month could free up this much cash) can sponsor a woman missionary through Gospel for Asia. Consider: Over 50,000 female children are aborted every month in South Asia. Females are often the last to eat and the most likely to be illiterate. They’re the first to work as child laborers and sometimes even sold to become one of 1.2 million child prostitutes. As they grow they gain little respect. They live in the most unreached parts of the world—places that have yet to hear the Gospel. And many women cannot be approached by men due to cultural customs, making their slim chance of hearing the Gospel even slimmer. Gospel for Asia has a burden to reach them. We believe that uplifting the lives of these women is one of the most significant things that can come about to transform families and communities for Christ.
2. Watch the GIRL RISING trailer and request a screening in your city.
WORLD VISION hosted Seattle’s red carpet premiere of this documentary last night, and Kari and I have requested to have a screening come in April to the Hilltop 9 theater in Oregon City. Go HERE to request a screening in your city (direct link here to pre-purchase a ticket; still need 100 people to “tip” it at the theatre near us) after watching the trailer:
No, it’s not a light read. No, you won’t fall asleep with warm, happy feelings in your heart. But I believe you will have a better understanding of this focused assault on women, and be encouraged and inspired to do whatever you can to share the love of Christ with women in the margins worldwide. From the far reaches of Cambodia to the neighbor woman right down your street. ALL women are worth of God’s love and special care. It’s about $10 for the paperback on Amazon, with Kindle version about $12 and DVD about $15. Not a reader? Get the DVD and watch with the women in your life. Bring a tissue.
Or, better yet » hop back up to #1, sponsor a missionary and we’ll send you the book for free!
“We love because HE first loved us.”
—1 John 4:19 (about Jesus The Man)
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My beautiful wife ends this with a word of thanks:
Thank you to all you beautiful woman (and fabulous men!) for spreading the light of Jesus Christ to the dark corners of the world. Let’s pray this International Women’s Day finds a few more girls rising in the light of His love … Thanks for reading.
Men, if you read it to the end, you’re awesome. Thank you.
Whenever we bring light into the darkness, we discover more and more of His beauty that we never even knew existed.
