What makes waiting so hard?

Psalm 27:13-14:

13 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

We mentioned the first five themes for the Single-Minded conference we are speaking at, beginning tomorrow near London: confidence, vision, beauty,  worship. and consistency. The final theme:

#6 Hope: the courage to wait (Psalm 27:13-14).

We all are waiting for something. Not just singles. But it is true that many perhaps deep down still have the ache and longing for that glorious counterpart hand-picked by God. Whether waiting for a wedding or a job or a ministry opportunity or a change of scenery, we spend much of our life waiting. So we must learn how to do it well. God’s word is replete with exhortations to wait, and wait well. Will we wait on God or wait on circumstances? What is the difference and how can we tell? Here we’ll learn how to wait for the Lord with expectancy without expectation. With confidence and security we can be strong and let our hearts take courage and wait, wait for the LORD.

Married people can tell us how waiting for a spouse is a fruitless endeavor, for both husbands or wives make awful gods. Single people are not ‘waiting’ for their life to be meaningful, as if having a spouse is the end-game. (Or being in a relationship is all that matters.) Waiting for the LORD is the true joy; and because our Maker is our Husband, we can daily encounter the most loving, generous, courageous, and supportive spouse ever.

As Kari frequently writes, there is a world of difference between having expectations and living in expectancy.

 

Consistency and stability are undervalued in our day. Why is that?

Psalm 27:10-12:

10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in.

11 Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
12 Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.

We mentioned the four themes for the Single-Minded conference outside London: confidence, vision, beauty, and worship. Here’s a preview of the fifth theme, with one more to follow.

#5 Consistency: the level path (Psalm 27:10-12).

Few characteristics are more critical to the Christian life than consistency. In our experience, the single life can sometimes be characterized by extreme ups and downs, difficulty finding balance, and a challenge to develop the kind of structure and consistency so necessary for long-term growth. Certainly married folks struggle here too, but are often forced into structure and consistency due to the fact that a family depends on it! The “freedom” of singleness can be both blessing and curse. Too much downtime can lead to sin or unhealthy habits. Lack of accountability can lead to laziness. Freedom and flexibility in a schedule can lead to haphazard patterns of life. So ask, “Teach me your way, O Lord,” and we pray that He will “lead us on a level path.” A level life is a life of joy and stability, the soil where godly fruit can abound.

Verse 10 has been included with this session, for a related point shall be made: no matter our family of origin, and even the effect in our lives of years of hurts, habits or hangups along an un-level path, we can become new people with a new trajectory — and a level path — in life. What ‘has been’ does not have to remain the norm. The Gospel takes the can’ts and wont’s and remakes them into new people — who are being made new daily by the Spirit. The Father has welcomed us. We are His children. He will teach us His ways. In this session we will look at the daily practice of abiding in the presence of the Father, and preaching the Gospel to ourselves continually.

 

As Kari and I prepare to travel to London to speak at the Single-Minded conference, we landed on themes and emphases we are convinced are God’s heart for His people.

Kari drafted up the key themes, which come from Psalm 27:

1. Confidence: The stronghold of my life. (vv. 1-3)
2. Vision: The one thing I seek. (4a)
3. Beauty: The holy gaze of life. (4b-5: men & women split sessions)
4. Worship: The joyful sacrifice. (6-10)
5. Consistency: The level path. (11-12)
6. Hope: The courage to wait. (13-14)

Over the next couple weeks I will give a summary of the intent behind each talk. Here’s the first:

#1 Confidence: The stronghold of my life.

Confidence is hands-down the #1 most attractive quality. It spans generations, cultures, and draws others in more than liposuction and bulging biceps. Moreover, God created us for confidence as true confidence comes from knowing Who He is, who we are, and Whose we are. In a world that bombards us daily with messages that we need to be a certain way, look a certain way, hook-up in a certain way, God’s Word stands in beautiful contrast with a message that cuts straight across the grain. In a media-saturated consumer culture that feeds on our insecurities, the first step to a single-minded life is attaining the unshakable godly confidence that only comes from the One who fashioned our form.

 

Yesterday I mentioned that Kari and I will be in London for a brief time, leaving in about a month. We’ve been invited to come speak at the annual Single-Minded Conference, intended for singles in the United Kingdom. (Some of the great people we will meet may be reading this here. Thank you for reading!) We love those in the college and career stage, and recognize the challenges of following Christ faithfully while single.

Many who are single tend to think of themselves as simply ‘not yet married,’ though others plan to remain single in the future. Either way, there’s no need to think of ourselves ultimately as defined by these categories, as if that is our ‘status’ in life. Yes, we call it that on forms — what is your marital status? — but there is so much more, as we know. Our ‘status’ may describe us for a moment, like when updating one’s Facebook status, but our true identity is deeper than a status update.

The popular culture of the world feeds us messages along these lines: you need to be in a relationship. (With someone hot.) And you need to be hooking up with that person, or someone else, because love won’t just find us. Go get yours; be on the prowl. The advertising that comes our way underscores this point: you’re empty and need this (___________) to fulfill you. So drink this beer and magically all these tan, fit people with perfect white teeth will be in your life partying it up with you. And you’ll be having insane amounts of fun! Buy this phone and you’ll be so hip that others of the opposite sex will offer you much more than their mobile number. We compare their highlights (airbrushed and glamorized) with our typical day and realize there is a huge gap. Let’s mind that gap and go have an awesome life — or so we’re told.

The hidden message: unless you’re in a relationship, you’re nothing. So we must do everything we can to erase this deficiency and become something and somebody, right? So we try to make ourselves as attractive as possible, dressing to be noticed, buying things to impress people so we can be in relationships that make us matter as people. We give up our bodies, because, after all, sex is just physical, right?

The church world tends to follow the same attitude, but with a so-called ‘holy’ twist — if you’re not married, you’re missing out. The church thinks of those who are married and those who just haven’t quite made it to marriage. Until then, you’re nothing. And you shouldn’t be having sex.

Not true.

Well, it is true that we shouldn’t be having sex before marriage. But why? (More on that in a future post.) But let’s get more focused on this be-married-or-in-a-relationship idea.

I love being married, and am grateful God brought Kari and I together. As amazing as she is, she’s not my savior. She fulfills me in a way God designed, but she cannot fulfill me ultimately. Without Kari I would still be a man created in God’s image. Without Christ I would be nothing. So I guess in one sense we can honest that unless we’re in a relationship — in communion with Christ — we are in fact nothing and nowhere in life.

For a weekend in late June we look forward to joining the faithful voices and godly mentors who are pouring into the lives of singles. As Matt Kottman, pastor in Leatherhead and organizer of the conference wrote me:

“Many singles are trying to find their satisfaction in their status (whether as singles staying single, or as singles desperate for marriage) rather than their status and identity in Christ and his gospel. Our prayer is that this conference would apply the gospel, giving these singles a singleness of heart.”

I can imagine that in Europe, and specifically in the UK, the men are just like us in the States — having little understanding of what it means to be a man in the biblical sense. We shirk responsibility and sacrifice, wanting to keep our ‘options’ open. We confuse ‘fun’ with being entertained, and have forgotten all the fun we can have when we live courageous and sacrificially with God. Because there are few godly examples to follow, we can get a warped view of what it means to be a man. Same for the ladies, who are told that their physical attractiveness is what defines them. They’ve noticed that good and godly men are so hard to find that they may not even exist — so how about you just settle for whoever likes you? Truth is, life is meant to have so much more meaning, beauty, intimacy, adventure, purpose, and joy than that!

In traveling to London and the UK, we are grateful for the support of our local church, with time given to go invest oversees, and the partnerships we have with missionaries there. In future posts I will share more about who we will be visiting, a bit about why I’ve always wanted to visit the UK, and other adventures we plan to have while there.

To all those we will meet: thank you for sharing your story with us.

 

Kari and I are grateful for the opportunity to travel to London in just over month from now, to speak at a conference, encourage missionary pastor friends in the UK, and preach with a church community there.

Each Friday until then, on my day off, I’ll post a brief description of why we are going, who will we be with, what we will be speaking, and how this trip connects to our ministry here in the States.

I’ve always wanted to go to my family’s homeland, the UK. Look for the first post tomorrow.